A Celinerella Story

I was trying to dig out some photos which I know what I’m looking for.

Ended up, I dig out my past.

There it was, buried deep inside my closet, buried deep inside my heart.

I hate it.

I hate it when I was young.

I hate it the moment I tried to walk.

I hate it the moment I need to go to the kindergarten.

I hate it when I have to play with my classmates.

I hate it when they splashed water at me.

I hate it when my mummy leaves me in the class when I was in tears.

I hate it that it made me remember the sight where I see her walking away from the windows grill of that stupid classroom.

Because the moment I turned back to my class, it means the nightmare will start; the nightmare of being bullied. Why my mum still put me in there for people to bully me.

I hate it when I need to go Primary school. It means more nightmares await.

Everyone in the school hates me.

When I scored the second in class for PSLE prelim, everyone calls me a cheater so I did badly for my PSLE.

Good thing I messed it up, that is why I got my true best friends found.

But I still hate it.

I hate it when I forced myself to be an ah-lian.

I hate it when I caused only more problems to my friends.

I hate it when my teachers need to spend more effort on pushing me to work hard on my result.

I hate it when I fall in love at that age. I should be studying.

I hate it that I didn’t do well in my studies.

I hate it that don’t know why love exist in that era. It only cost you more pain to go through than sweetness and it made you lose your heart and soul to put studies in first place.

I hate it that the stupid TV shows taught us about love that time.

I hate it to think that I’m stupid trying to find love.

I hate it when my best friends leave me back to study.

I hate it when I’m left all alone in the same school, same environment but with no friends.

I hate it when I had to fight alone.

I hate it!!!

As I was chatting with my sister on her past (cos practically, I have no more past) and as I found the photos of her at like 4 yr old, I cried.

I hate it that why when we were young, we didn’t practice the hug and kisses.

I hate it that I feel so hurt and regret for not spending time closely with her. I am close enough with her now but why not then?

I hate it when there’s a period where I don’t get to see my dad all day, all week, all month, all year. I hate it that he have to work so hard.

When I’m up from bed for school, he’s already out to work. When I’m back home from school, he’s at another job. When I sleep, he wasn’t home yet.

I fhate it when he have to work so hard and he made me missed so much and made me cry to bed. Because I love him.

I hate it why I didn’t treasure my everyday life enough.

I hate it that I only realised how much I had missed out during my secondary school days. I didn’t have any good ECA and so I made myself to do well for my poly CCA. My heart ache when I have so much regret.

I hate it that I had made and create so much trouble for my teachers in the past. I always made them worried for my results; I made them worried for my assignments.

I hate it that I still didn’t do my best to be the good friend to my polymates.

I hate it when my poly-days photos dropped out. I missed Yuling. Why didn’t I really notice about her behaviour back then and helped her earlier?

I hate it when my friends are sick. She told me she was experiencing some changes in her body, why didn’t I take it seriously and force her to the doctor?

I saw my pageants photos as I was flipping the albums. I suddenly hate seeing myself in that thick makeup on stage.

I hate it my after poly life.

I fhate it that I don’t even wish to say about it.

I hate my present moment too.

I just hate

Hate

Hate everything.

So don’t ask me about my past. I really can’t remember much of it. Like what I told my sister, I might suffered from memory-illness. Where I only choose certain of stuffs to remember and as for my childhood, I had none of it.

Until those photos that just flow out of my cupboard. I won’t want to touch them again.

I’ve been going over to Yan’s house and chit chat with her. Anything from marriage to pregnancy to giving birth to educating the baby.

Even her in-law joined in the conversation and chatted with me for hours! Wow!

As per last conversation, she hoped to see good news from the National Day Rally before her 2nd prince arrive.

It was sad that when they announced the new baby benefits only to take effect as at 1 Jan 09.

At last night news, they decided to bring it forward to 17th Aug! So, happily I sms her this morning and her hubby called me instead.

“Yan just gave birth le.”

Wooooo!!

We went down to KK to welcome this little one. And here he is, at a few hours old…

Actually, I do have quite a few entries. But I don’t feel like blogging. I feel quite agitated that I know who is reading out there silently and giving the silent protest of whatever I’m doing in a “silent” manner. I got really pissed off that why want to read about my life and get unhappy about when I live my everyday. I feel like being “watched”. Hence, I lost the interest on blogging. So blame on that person for no updates here ok!

Anw, I will just put all in a post instead of my normal blogging entries then.

Work-Life Conference 2008. It just brings me back memories of the conference 2007 back at Orchard Hotel. It was crazy that I handle the table myself with the intention of selling our Worklife books at a crowd of near 3000 people. As such, I lose 7 books for having to be the salesgirl (recommending and explaining the book), the cashier (to collect payment), the admin-girl (to issue receipts), the stock-taker (to keep track of the books). Ya, all by myself.

This year was much easier. The crowd wasn’t that big and Wendy was there too.

Here’s my big boss, when she arrived, all the reporters rushed to her. Really like a star.

Alongside, I met Jolene from mcys and we clicked right after introduction. We have so much in topic to talk about and yes, we couldn’t stop. Hee! A very sweet girl and we get to chat on msn now.

I have been meeting up with Anne and do our girly shopping and chat over cake. I really love it when the both of us went out for food and shop. We’ve endless chat to whatever topic we’re in. Heh!

Paying such a high fees to this school, I wish and pray hard for the better result that I hope for. And then, you’ll realise that hope is not enough. Studying is not enough too. I truly believe that the most important thing is foundation which I had already way lost it years ago when I didn’t build up during younger days. So, now, it’s really difficult to excel. Yikes!

Here, this is my teacher.

What else can I ask for when I have my wifey sitting beside me every lesson? She even bought drinks for me… So sweet!

For these few days, I’ve been staying very loyal to my TV and the programmes just keep me going each hour by hour. To compare these days of Tele; its like even lesser than what I’d lost for my last one year! For that, I develop a special feeling with it. For that, I had every craving to whatever the series is showing me!

First, it was laksa. And I wanna have laksa all the time whenever my boy brings me out.

Then, it was chicken wings.

Soon after, it was the icing biscuits. My lovely sis bought me a packet 2 nights ago! Yeapie!

I need to do something to curb my craving. Argh!

So other than the series, I actually watched the whole of National Day Rally Speech. My ever first time catching it live. When my teacher asked the class about it, the whole class shouted: “BORING!” I was like them when I was 16 or to admit, even at last year, I find it meaningless to me. Now you asked me, I could say it is so interesting and informative to catch the whole speech. Probably, I could say, it is something that I am concern about, that’s why I find myself cheering when the PM announced on certain thing that I agreed on.

For some excitement, I catch all the Singapore Table Tennis match whenever I can and whenever it is made available. I never get so attached and so excited before! This morning, I watched Feng Tianwei’s game while catch the live score of Li Jiawei from Olympics offical website with my dad. Both of us were cheering and sweat over the score of very close fight at its last match. To think that we can thrilled over a dead screen.

For the coming days where you’ll missed my blog, let me introduce you a game:

Click here to START!

I’m sorry if this is gonna get you hooked!

[Level 1 (The Rules Page) is already at Stage One!]

For Singapore!

Singapore’s women table tennis team have made it to the finals in the Beijing Olympics!

I spent 3 hours and 45 mins glued to channel 5 catching the LIVE game uncomfortably on my couch. I was sweating and holding my breathe throughout the matches.

I never knew that a table tennis game can be SO EXCITING!

Looking forward to its Final match. It’s either the Silver or the Gold.

Good game, Singapore! And I love Feng Tianwei.

The 4 of us again!
I’m like a little girl in the company where everyone thought I’m still on studies. I know I look like… Oh well… *kidding* And here’s Ted, from the Project Team whom I always like to disturb. Opps!

Alicia with Ted.
Lunch Time!

My department!

The 4 of us again again!

And then, I pop over to them and give them their little gift. I couldn’t afford to treat them for nice meals as I always wanted to and this is a little gift with love I could give them. ^_^

And the ’sunflower’ is of cos dedicated to my boss. She is always so sunshine and brought smiles to everyone wherever she goes!

My dear Alicia can’t stop taking pics. Lucky I have her in the office to accompany my camera snaps.

That’s my pre-National Day celebration on this special date 08-08-08!

The seminar starts -

And this is Wendy. She’s a mother of 3 and gosh, her phone would ring every 30mins as she needs to ‘report’ to her child! Haa.. She’s not alone. My boss and Alice would be on the phone with their little precious on and off all day. Sad to say, now before married, we’ll be on the phone with our bf all the times but after you have children, they’re the priorities! Haa!

The hall is ours!
After the forum, as I mingle around, there’s this lady who shared with Alice and me about how this worklife champaign can be so important. She worked all her youth to build her career and only got married at age 40. When she decided to have her own baby, she then realised that being a mum could be so wonderful. She feels so attached to her princess and when she’s at work, she misses her so much. How she wish that she could start her family earlier. She agreed that the growing phase of the child is so important and she would quit her job by all means but she’s in a high management where she can’t say to go and just leave. All these while, she found that her princess is much more closer to the maid than herself.

My dearie shared that when her son was 10 mths old and their maid had to go back to her country, her son missed the maid so much that he go into protest of not eating for 3 solid months. As he was too young to express, he could only do the silent behaviour to show how much he misses the maid. Now, when her son woke up in the middle of the night and cry, he would ran out of the room and look for his maid instead of his own mummy. As the mother, she feel so sad that her own son actually ran to others for comfort instead.

How sad. And now, I am scare for going through that stage. Hope that all the companies/(G) could wisen up and do something about the work-life practices.

It’s Huihui’s first movie. As the fellow talent friends, we were there to support. She made us all feel like going back to acting again… Mediacorp, Matrix… Here we come!

The Premiere -
After the movie, we went for lunch and Steven Lim was there to join us… Or I mean he was there to support Huihui and happened to join us then.